


War Inside My Head

by images_words



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Vietnam, BAMF Peggy Carter, Bed-Wetting, Bucky Barnes & Peggy Carter Friendship, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Bucky Barnes-centric, Bucky Bear - Freeform, Deaf Clint Barton, F/F, F/M, Headaches & Migraines, Hippie Thor, Human Disaster Matt Murdock, M/M, Multi, Protective Steve Rogers, Tattoo Artist Peggy Carter, Vietnam War, War Veteran Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-14 15:48:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16915752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/images_words/pseuds/images_words
Summary: Bucky Barnes returns from the war expecting to be welcomed home by old friends. Instead, he finds that they've turned on him, and that he has no home to go back to. Living on the streets of Brooklyn, unwanted and unloved, he meets artist Steve Rogers.





	1. Chapter 1

Bucky kept his head down as he walked. He'd found it was better not to make eye contact, to give people an excuse to talk to him.   
No such luck.  
"Hey, man, cool arm!"  
Bucky sighed. He didn't have time for this today. He was tired of being mocked. "Please... just leave me alone," he whispered, not looking up. "Just give me one day... just let me have one day of peace, please..." Tears sprang to his eyes, more out of frustration than anything else.  
He felt a hand on his shoulder, and finally looked up, expecting to see a mocking smile, cold eyes... but he didn't. As he met the man's eyes, he saw that they were _kind_ , and so was his soft smile.  
"My name's Steve."  
"I-I'm Bucky..." Bucky was still a bit suspicious. No one was kind to him.   
"Nice to meet you, Bucky." Steve smiled.   
"...why are you talking to me?"  
Steve laughed. But it wasn't a cruel laugh. It was warm and genuine. "Not everyone in this world is cruel, Bucky. I thought you looked lonely. Then I saw your arm - which is super cool, by the way - and I realized that you must have served in Vietnam. And I realized just how much you must need a friend."  
"...friend?"  
"Sure. If you want. I mean, I can leave you alone if you'd prefer-"  
"No!" Bucky shook his head. "I mean... no. Please stay."  
"Alright. Although I thought my place might be more comfortable. Besides, you should meet my roommates."  
"...they might not like me..."  
Steve laughed. "They're hippies, they love everyone."


	2. Chapter 2

The man who greeted them was tall and muscular, with long blond hair, and probably would have been intimidating if not for his goofy smile and the flower crown on his head. "Steve! You brought someone new!"  
Steve nodded. "This is Bucky. Bucky, this is Thor, he's one of my roommates. Oh, and I forgot to mention, we've got some friends over, they're helping us with the tree."  
As if on cue, a man with pale skin and black hair ran into the room with a handful of tinsel. "You can't hide from me forever, Matt!"  
Bucky noticed something moving on the floor. He stifled his laughter as someone he couldn't see - most likely the elusive Matt - stuck a red and white cane out from under the couch, tripping the dark-haired man as he ran by.  
"Hey! That's cheating! You're not allowed to use the cane!"  
"No, we agreed that I wasn't allowed to hit you with it. Never said anything about tripping," said Matt as he slid out from under the couch, dusting himself off and and adjusting his glasses, which Bucky realized were actually sunglasses. "Loopholes, Loki. Lawyers are good at those."  
Suddenly, a wave of panic washed over Bucky, and he somehow found himself hiding behind the half-decorated Christmas tree, like his body had moved without his brain telling it to. He curled in on himself, trying not to be noticed. He didn't want his new friends to see him like this.  
"Hey. You alright?"  
Bucky looked up to see Matt sitting beside him, smiling reassuringly and still wearing those damn sunglasses. Why was he wearing sunglasses inside? Bucky managed to find a few seconds to wonder about that, in between seeing Matt and realizing that his lungs had stopped working. "C-can't breathe..."  
"Shhhh. It's okay. Just focus on the sound of my voice, alright? Nothing's gonna hurt you." Matt took Bucky's shaking hand in his own, guiding it to rest on his chest. "Feel that? That's me breathing. Just focus on that, and try to breathe."  
Bucky took in a deep, shaky breath, and found himself latching onto Matt. Slowly, his breathing returned to normal, and the feeling of panic started to fade.  
"Better?"  
"Y-yeah... thank you."  
"No problem." Matt laughed. "I do it all the time. That's what they don't tell you in law school. You have to deal with a lot of panic attacks. It's always either a particularly nervous client, your nervous wreck of a best friend, or yourself."  
Bucky laughed weakly. "They don't warn you about the panic attacks when you enlist, either."  
"I'm guessing there's a lot of things they didn't warn you about"  
Bucky whimpered softly. For some reason, he always got bad headaches after his panic attacks.  
"What's wrong?"  
"Head hurts... Too bright..."  
Matt took off his sunglasses, helping Bucky put them on. "Better?"  
"A little..." Bucky yawned, laying his head on Matt's shoulder. He wondered, in the split second before he fell asleep, why Matt's eyes looked so empty.


End file.
